Last night

Another day is done....gone. Another day I was privileged to feel my son bounce around inside his "womb."  The last night before I meet this little boy.  The last night I will feel his slightest movements, his hiccups, his kicks inside of me.  We are scheduled to be induced in the morning at 645am.  I know he can not "live" inside of me forever, but would not mind if he did.  He will forever be in my heart but that is not the same.  I don't even know what to say anymore.  I have so many emotions, so many thoughts.  I have felt no guilt in the decisions I have made thus far and am now starting to feel lost and helpless.  As I sit here I can't help but tear up for I have no idea what the Lord has planned for me, for my family, for this unborn angel.  Is this fair? What is fair?  The love I have for Jaston, is that enough. I hope and pray he understands how much I love him..how much his family loves him.  I hope and pray the Lord will continue to provide me, my family, and my friends with the strength we need to get through the next minutes, hours, days, weeks.  Lord, I ask you to guide me in the decisions to be made, help me to make decisions that are selfless and not based on my fear of letting go.  Lord please provide the answers for me and please don't leave me.  I need you and can't do this without you.  Please be there for Jaston and help him to enter into this world unharmed and pain free.  Allow us to meet him, smell him, kiss his cheeks, and tell him how much we love him before he enters into his final rest.  We want the opportunity for him to meet his brother and sisters whom have loved him oh so much.  Please give them the opportunity to meet their special little brother alive.  The pain of what is to come seems unbearable and I ask that you will help ease that pain.  What is to be done will be done and I have no control over that.  I have fallen to my knees, begging for understanding, begging for your guidance.  I'm scared and need your hand to cradle my heart, please hold us tonight and help us to see Your light through all of what is to come, Amen.