It's been 6 days now since my family and I welcomed Mr. Jaston into this
world and also said our "Good-byes." I can't even begin to explain my
thoughts and feelings about losing a child. I have been contemplating on how to
approach this post and what I would talk about and have decided that I will
just let the words come out on their own (so I am not going to proof read it
either). When I am approached by those who know my family and I's situation I
feel they expect me to be a horrible wreck, and though this isn't easy, the
approach my family and I have taken with this heartbreaking journey has been
one of faith, love, & compassion. We have had time to pray and
"prepare" for the worst and hope for the best. We have had multiple
conversations with our children about the possibilities of Jaston not coming
home with us from the hospital and to the best of their ability they seemed
"okay" with what we were telling them. So though this journey has
been far from easy, we are managing what we've been given through endless
prayer and belief in Christ and eternal life through Him.
The morning of September 20th, 2012 was full of emotion. I began to question
if having an induction was the right path? Was this the path the Lord wanted me
to take? Was I beginning to try and control this situation again? Well
regarding the control part, yes, somewhat I was. I wanted the birth of my son
to be somewhat controlled so it could be enjoyable. I didn't want his birthday
to be full of chaos and missed opportunities. I wanted to enjoy whatever time I
had with him and I wanted his brother and sisters to be part of his story
(along with other family members and friends). We began the day at 0500 (well
for me I began the day around 0350). I could not sleep, and who could with the
anticipation of giving birth to your child within the next 24 hours and not
knowing what the outcome was going to be. Jaston could sense something was up
too because he was up all night moving around and trying to get comfortable but
it didn't seem he could find a comfortable position as my stomach would morph
into different shapes it seems every 5 minutes. ..........
I miss you little man. What I would do to have
back those days of watching you and feeling you turn about inside of me. I
would do just about anything (besides go through the pain of losing your
brother and sisters as well) to have you for another day even for another
minute. I know you are in a much better place, serving the Lord eternally with
eternal happiness, looking down on us and hearing us pray and grieve over you.
I wonder, have you met your sister/brother yet that I have yet to meet? Did you
meet your great grandmother Audrey? How is she? Is she feeding you like crazy
(she is an amazing hostess)? Do you even eat? Are you still an infant? When you
entered into to Heaven, was there a celebration? When you left this earth did
you become a child? So many questions I have and can't wait to have answered
when I meet you again someday in Heaven. Jaston please tell God to guide me in
living a righteous life and know that I am going to try my hardest to lead a
life that your father and brother and sisters can follow so they to can join us
in Heaven someday. Know that I love you so very much and will always carry you
in my heart.
I probably slept for 3 hours the night before going to the hospital. We got
the kids dropped off at daycare around 0635 and arrived at the hospital at
0700. My mom and sister joined Zach and I. After getting admitted and entering
the room that would forever change our lives (#3505) I met the nurse that would
accompany us along this ride. Her name was Michelle and she was wonderful and I
am glad that she was the one chosen to meet my little man (this is the nickname
I chose for Mr. Jaston, his brother Landen's is Mr. Man, his sister Tara's is
sweet pea, and his other sister Anberlin's is either bug (for love bug) or
princess). We began the admission process of answering an array of questions,
do you have drink, are you a victim of abuse, do you do drugs, all of the fun
questions you are glad to answer no to but sad for the other infants born into
these situations. I then asked the question how this induction would work and
when Dr. Cole would be in to get the process started. Michelle then informed me
that Dr. Cole was not in today. So I asked well then call Dr. Boyle, and she
also said Dr. Boyle was going out of town at 1100. WHAT!! Then this induction
is not happening, I replied. I can't have a new doctor deliver Jaston; I can
come back another day. (I was kind of okay with this idea because I wasn't 100%
ready to deliver him anyway, I would rather have him live inside of me for as
long as his little heart desired). Michelle made some phone calls and found
that Dr. Cole was going to be in but not tell the afternoon. Okay then, we can
continue the induction. One of the other OB-GYNs started the induction by
placing cytotec on my cervix around 0835. I was 1cm dilated and maybe 50-70%
effaced at this time. My husband and I decided to monitor Jaston throughout
this whole process so in the event he became intolerable to labor we could say
a blessing for him and continue prayers. He was strong and very tolerant of
labor at the beginning. Natalie and Robin, our amazing family/friends, also the
photographers for the day, showed up around 0845. My aunt Sherri and cousin
Heather also arrived shortly after. As the morning went on I began to worry
about when would be the right time to pick up my other children from daycare.
My husband and I wanted them there for the immediate time after delivery but
didn't know how long the induction would take and didn't know who should go get
them. Should Zach leave me and go get them right after lunch, should we give
directions to someone else like my mom or sister or aunt? My sister told me not
to worry and it would work out the way it was suppose to. Around 1300 I
received my epidural because I wanted some pain control prior to Dr. Cole
breaking my water. Dr. Lun did a fabulous job too. I know it may be hit or miss
but the pain control was phenomenal. It did exactly what it should, it numbed
my abdomen but not my legs so I was able to move throughout the process and
also feel the urge to push. The Lord was surely watching over us all this day
and was helping this process go as best it could.
Lord I thank you for helping to monitor and
assist with all the events that happened this day, knowing what was to happen
in the end You never left my side and gave my husband and I the strength to
endure the hurt and sorrow that was to come.
Dr. Cole broke my water around 1330 and I was 5cm dilated. She was not sure
if Jaston was head down or not because what she was feeling was soft and not
"familiar." After she broke my water Jaston became less tolerant of
the contractions. His heart rate began to drop fairly rapidly and at one point
was in the 50s with each contraction. At this point I became scared, anxious,
sad...
I want to hold you alive Jaston, please stay
strong, this won't last for long. I am sorry for doing this but it is too late
to turn around now. Lord I need you...please please don't take Jaston now.
Michelle repositioned me and put oxygen on me to see if this would help.
Positioning me on my right side seemed to help temporarily. Chaplain Bill (whom
I haven't mentioned tell now) had been in and out all day and praying with us
and said a prayer for Jaston and us at this time. How thankful I am that Bill
was there. He is truly a man that has been blessed with God's word. With the
anxiety and sadness Zach and I felt with Jaston's deteriorating heart rate my
sister felt I needed to be cheered up and asked if I wanted to see Jaston's
brother and sisters. What? They are here? What a relief, thank you Monica for
arranging my aunt and cousin to go and get them while Dr. Lun was giving me an epidural.
It is crazy how things do work themselves out. Landen, Tara, and Anberlin
entered the room and it was such a wonderful feeling. They kissed my belly and
said hello to Jaston and his heart rate normalized for awhile. He knew they
were there and I believe that his heart rate normalizing was his way of telling
them he loved them and was glad they were there. My labor progressed quickly
after my water was broken and I began to feel pressure around 1430. Michelle
checked my cervix and I was 6cm. I then felt greater pressure around 1440 and
she checked me and I was 8cm. She called Dr. Cole and we texted Dr. Reuter.
Both arrived within a couple minutes. My aunt and cousin accompanied Tara,
Landen, and Anberlin to a waiting room down the hall. My dad arrived around
this time as well and he stood behind the curtain with Bill while I began the
process of pushing. Dr. Fenton and Pam (palliative care team) were unable to
make it to Jaston's delivery as they were in another delivery at the same time.
Those in the room with Zach and I were my mom, my sister, Robin, Natalie, Dr.
Cole, Dr. Reuter, Michelle, the L&D coordinator (I apologize I cannot
remember her name), Bill and my dad. Jaston's heart rate became very rapid
around 1435 (180s-200s) which is a final sign that he was very stressed and
beginning to try and compensate for the lower heart rates and the failing of
his body.
Jaston I know you are strong; you have been
from the beginning. You have proved to be a warrior and have fought for your
life from day one. When the doctors felt you wouldn't survive past 27weeks you
fought even harder and that wasn't your only job, was it? Not only did you
fight for your life every second of every day you began to fight for others and
their spiritual walks with Christ. The statement "There is no foot to
small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world" fits your life
perfectly. You are a messenger sent from above and the message has clearly been
received and though it seems our time has fallen short and you are soon to leave
this Earth I beg that you continue your fight because I will get to hold you
soon.
I began to push around 1445
with Dr. Reuter holding my left hand and Zach holding my right. With each push
Dr. Cole was able to get a glimpse of Jaston's lips...yes lips. That
"unfamiliar" feeling I mentioned earlier was Jaston's mouth. This
could be one of the reasons Jaston was intolerant of my contractions. I had to
see, so I asked for a mirror to watch while I pushed and I am so glad I did.
What an amazing sight to see, all this time of not really getting to see
Jaston's face on ultrasound and he made sure it was the first thing we got to
see in person. Sure enough his lips, then nose, and Oh my gosh an eye and the
other eye. Before I knew it he was out, I was scared, Zach cut the cord and he
was placed on my chest..."lifeless" but yet so full of life. I began
to sob and ask why? Vigorously rubbing his back I stared at his limp body.
Jaston please wake up, I need to see you move.
Show me something, please cry...please do anything.
I looked up at Dr. Reuter, and hysterically asked "should we do
something" and her response along with my husband’s was an answer in
itself. My husband immediately bent over me and firmly held onto Jaston and I
both and Dr. Reuter responded softly "Do you want me to do
something?" At that moment I knew, Jaston's purpose was fulfilled. The
life I knew, the life I had with him was over when the cord was cut. Chaplain
Bill immediately came from behind the curtain and began baptizing Jaston as we
held him close. Everyone in the room was silent and we all recited the Lord's Prayer
followed by the bedtime prayer "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep." Jaston
entered into this world and ascended to Heaven at 2:51pm, weighing 3 pounds 6
ounces and was 15 ½ inches long.
Tara,
Landen, and Anberlin were then brought into the room to meet their little
brother with a child life specialist named Michelle. She had met with us and
them earlier in the pregnancy to help us prepare them for Jaston's delivery.
She had shown up a little earlier in the day and was there to help them
understand things during Jaston's birth and help answer any questions they may
have. Tara was unsure of holding Jaston at first and we weren't going to force
any of the kids to hold him but she did ask later in the day to hold him. Her
reaction was kind of funny and cute. Jaston's eyes were slightly open for a
period of time because his eyes were swollen from being pushed out face first.
As Tara held him she asked him if he wanted to have a staring contest. She then
stared into his eyes and said "man your good." I am glad she chose to
interact with him because I wanted her to be able to find some closure as well.
Landen held Jaston long enough to take a picture but then said he would hold him
when he was alive. He, along with Anberlin, was very interested in seeing his
hair, ears, hands, feet and butt. I pointed out to Landen that Jaston also had
the same cowlick in the front of his head that he has.
Jaston you had the most amazing soft skin, the longest
fingers and nails, and the most abundant head of hair I had ever seen. The way
you would fold your feet together and hold your arms close to your chest with
your hands rested together as if you were praying for us all and yourself
during the moments after your birth was truly breathtaking. Having you melt
into my chest was the most wonderful feeling and I will never forget how it
felt especially with your little butt cupped in my hand. Words can't describe
how perfect you are. I cannot wait to see you again.
My little mother hen, Anberlin, was instantly drawn to Jaston. Zach was
standing beside me and holding Jaston when Anberlin decided she needed to see
her baby brother. She pulled a chair from across the room and placed it right
next to Zach and stood on it and looked at Jaston. She wanted to hold him and
insisted on holding him without any assistance, "No, I do it. Don't
touch," she would say. She would sit there so patiently, gazing into his
eyes, admiring the perfection that he is. Out of all the children, she asks
about him the most. Throughout the day, she will ask "where Jaston go,"
"where my Jaston." "He in your belly?" We have to
continually tell her that he is in Heaven now; he is not here and is in our
hearts. She seems okay with that response for awhile until the next time she
asks. We have a little teddy bear we began incorporating into our maternity
photos earlier in the pregnancy and after he was born we also had a bunny that
he took pictures with. These two items, along with a blanket I had made for
him, a knitted blanket my sister had made, and the outfit and hat he wore have
been the most valuable "tools" in helping me, well us, to grieve.
They have provided comfort and something physical to hold onto in his absence.
Anberlin carries around his bunny and says "my Jaston." We have
encouraged Tara and Landen to talk about their feelings about Jaston but both
aren't quite ready for that. Tara says right now that it is too sad to talk
about and Landen says that “Jaspin” (this is how Landen says his name) is dead and
went to Heaven and is in his heart. It is hard to talk about and in time we will
all be able to openly express our emotions and thoughts about this little man
and share our feelings of his birthday.
Zach
and I, along with Tara, Landen, and Anberlin, sang “Rock-a-bye-baby” and
“Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” to him.
These are two songs that I have always sung to my kids at bedtime since
they were infants and doing this helped us all to make Jaston part of the
family.
When I sang Anberlin these songs
the other night I couldn’t help but tear up because now they mean so much
more.
Natalie and Robin brought a
birthday cupcake decorated with a J on it and it was on a plate that read “For
this child I prayed.” What a great idea because we celebrated Jaston’s birthday
by singing him “Happy Birthday” and had the kids blow out his candle.
We then divided the cupcake into thirds and
each child received a piece to eat.
My
family stayed with us at the hospital for a couple hours after Jaston’s birth
and we all took family photos.
I am glad
we had such amazing photographers to capture every detail throughout the whole
day.
What they did was so important to
us and we will be forever grateful for their time, commitment, and compassion
they have towards this family.
They
spent 12 hours capturing every laugh, every tear, every emotion, and every
moment.
I couldn’t imagine this experience
without them.
After everyone left, Zach
and I were finally able to spend quality time with Jaston.
We were able to reflect on Jaston’s life and
embrace the moments we had with him and each other.
My husband has been amazing throughout this
whole experience and I could not have embarked on this journey without
him.
Although Jaston’s life was all too
short he has engraved his name in our hearts forever.
Being together in that room with our son was priceless.
We needed that time to reveal how important
every aspect of life is and how blessed we have been to have carried and held a
messenger of God.
How blessed we are as
parents to know that our son was protected and shielded from all the pains and
sorrows of this fallen world.
Jaston, the
hardest part of being your parent was saying goodbye but know that the best
thing for you was to say good-bye.
The way we have looked at this situation is we were surrogate parents to an
angel working for the Lord.
I received
an email shortly after we came home from the hospital and I’d like to share a
portion of it with you because I feel it fits well with what I am saying.
D.K. wrote:
Bless you and your family, you’ve made a choice
that most would have walked away from and never gotten to experience the joys
of one of God’s special angels. He does
not choose just any person or family to receive his angels, you and your family
have joined us special chosen few, how blessed you are.
When I read this I cried and felt happy at the same time.
It helped reassure Zach and I in the
decisions we had made thus far.
The
decisions have not been easy nor has the road been smooth that we’ve been
traveling.
We have had to rely on our
heart and faith in guiding us through.
One
of the important pieces to this puzzle has been time.
My husband and I had been blessed with time
to prepare for the birth of one of God’s gifts.
We allowed our decisions to be guided by His grace and mercy and were
not disappointed with the outcome.
How could
we be, everything had gone and has gone so well.
We miss our son but we know that if we live a
righteous life and live by God’s word we will soon see him again.
That night we held him close, we stroked his
hair, we showered him with kisses, we shed our tears, and we prayed.
We
slept with him in-between us on my hospital bed, and though these beds are
uncomfortable it was the most comfortable night’s sleep because having him
close and against my chest was heartwarming.
Zach and I spent the next day (September 21, 2012) cherishing the final
moments we had with Jaston.
We didn’t
rush anything and were in no hurry to leave the hospital.
Chaplain Bill made a couple of visits to pray
for us as did Dr. Cole, Dr. Fenton, and Pam.
My mom also arrived early afternoon and my sister stayed home with Tara,
Landen, and Anberlin.
As the day turned
into late afternoon and then to early evening it was time for Zach and I to
leave the hospital and return to our home here on earth.
I dreaded this moment.
I feared this moment. The moment we were
going to have to say good-bye to Jaston’s body.
We both knew he had already left us and ascended to Heaven but having
his body was a physical reminder of our son.
Touching him and smelling him was a constant stimulation to our
senses.
“Seeing” is “believing” and without
seeing him or touching him we would soon have to rely on our memories and have
to face reality…our son is gone, he is no longer here with us on earth.
I know that the Lord is taking care of him
and he is happy to be in Heaven but that doesn’t cure the hurt or take away the
pain of not having your son to hold in your arms.
Immediately prior to us leaving the hospital
Bill came to visit us one last time.
He
is amazing and seems to appear at the right times.
We needed him then and we needed a prayer.
After a wonderful prayer of strength and
healing, and a prayer for the cremation, Zach and I decided to drive Jaston to
Miller funeral home where he was to be cremated.
We couldn’t handle the thought of someone
else driving him around Sioux Falls and we couldn’t handle the thought of
leaving him alone.
When we arrived at
the funeral home I burst into tears.
I can’t
believe this is happening. There is
nothing I can do to bring Jaston back to life.
Lord I am going to need your guidance, I need strength to leave Jaston
here. I am going to need strength to
leave this place without my son. Lord
please help me.
We entered into the funeral home around 1800.
We had talked with one of the funeral
directors earlier in the day and we were told that Jaston would be cremated
upon arrival or shortly thereafter.
This
was not the case.
The funeral director
stated that they were making an exception for us and that they had already
started another cremation and it probably wouldn’t be until around midnight
that they would start the process.
Are you
kidding me and what did you just say? You’ve made an exception for us!
Seriously! This is my son. This is not
just some baby or dead body this is my son!
I turned to Zach and my mom and said I
can’t leave him here alone until midnight.
This is not going to work for me.
I would have never left the hospital and brought him here if it wasn’t
going to happen right away.
I then
asked, well told, the funeral director that I was going to stay with him until
then.
He responded and said that I could
not and that they lock all the doors and secure the building at 2100.
I broke down and began crying more.
I needed a room, somewhere to hold my son and
think about the events that were soon to take place.
The funeral director gave us some time in a
“meeting” room and I discussed my fears and concerns with Zach and my mom.
I was afraid that some “pothead” was going to
throw Jaston into an oven and have no care that he is a son, a brother, or a
child.
I mean who would work at midnight
and cremate people.
Turns out people
pass away at all hours of the day and this is a 24 hour business.
I also feared that they were going to leave
him in a cold room when I had spent the last 24 plus hours keeping him
warm.
(I did not want him to get cold
because I did not want that memory of him. I’d say I did an awesome job too
because between keeping him next to my chest and having him wrapped in the
blankets made for him he didn’t get cold.)
I decided that the best way for me to settle my fears was to express
them to the funeral director, which I did.
He showed me a picture of the man that would be cremating Jaston, and
nope he wasn’t a “pothead.”
He also
prepared a “bed” in a viewing room for Jaston so he wasn’t going to be in a
cold room (one I envisioned as a refrigerator or somewhere that autopsies were
performed).
After I settled my fears, my
mom, Zach and I went to the “final” place we would physically see and feel
Jaston.
We all held him one last time.
I showered him in kisses and held him close,
cheek to cheek, with his face pressed against my neck.
He was still wrapped in the two blankets made
for him.
He had the diaper, outfit, and
hat on that he had worn briefly at the hospital.
These items I wanted, I needed, so his dad
chose what he was to be cremated in: two different blankets and a hat that my
sister had knitted him along with another hat to keep the knitted hat on (his
head was much bigger, well he was much bigger than anyone had projected, so the
hat she knitted fit the top of Jaston’s sweet little head but didn’t fit it
completely).
We exchanged his outfit and
blanket for the new ones Zach had chosen.
Then my mom, who is full of last minute ideas, had this great idea of
writing on the blanket we were cremating him in.
We made a few phone calls and wrote messages
on it.
These messages were from Zach and
I, Tara, Landen, and Anberlin, his grandmas and grandpas, and his aunts and
uncles.
Thank you for
this idea mom.
After we wrote on the blanket, we “tucked” him in as my mom puts it.
Zach and I then performed the nightly bedtime
rituals that all our children are accustomed to (reciting The Lord’s Prayer,
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, and singing “Rock-a-bye baby, and Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star).
Then that time came when
we had to leave.
Zach and I gave Jaston his
final kisses; we held hands tightly and walked out of that room, closing the
door behind us and opening a new door to grief and a never-ending search for
our son.
We arrived home around 8:05pm.
Entering through those doors empty handed, without the child I just gave
birth to was painful.
I wanted to hug my
other three children but I also wanted to curl up in a ball on my bed and weep.
I wanted to run back to the funeral home and
kiss Jaston one more time, I wanted to smell him one more time;
I wanted to press him against my body just
one more time but I couldn’t.
I had to
keep telling myself that Jaston is gone and he has been for awhile; he has been
enjoying the everlasting love of Christ and looking down on us for the last 24
hours, he knows that I love him and there was nothing I could do to change the
situation.
The only thing I can do now is
grieve, mourn the loss of my son, pray, and embrace the time I was able to have
with him.
My sister did an amazing
job watching Tara, Landen, and Anberlin all day.
She cooked an amazing meal and the house was
clean (something I don’t even get accomplished when I’m home all day with the
kiddos).
For someone who does not have
children of her own, she handled them perfectly.
She had them create a beautiful banner for us
as well and had it hanging on the fireplace.
You all
created mommy and daddy a wonderful present, something we will treasure and
hold dear for our lifetime.
I called the funeral home around 9:15 to ask if they would give us a call
when they began the cremation because I wanted to light a candle for
Jaston.
Mike (the funeral director
cremating Jaston) stated that the process had already begun.
I asked what time it started and he said
8:05pm.
Tears began to roll down my face.
I didn’t have
to leave the funeral home. Why did I leave? I could have held Jaston until it was time to
cremate him. He could have never been
left alone. I could have stayed with him
until that very moment he couldn’t be held any longer. I am so sorry Jaston that I left you. Please forgive me. I didn’t get a candle lit either.
I immediately lit two candles (LED candles so they can continually stay lit):
one that is in a holder hanging on a wall in our entryway that is surrounded by
3 “angels” and another that I placed in front of the first picture Zach and I
received of us together holding Jaston.
I kept this candle lit until the morning of September 25
th.
I attempted to turn it off on the 24
th
but I just wasn’t ready yet.
This candle
I plan on transferring Jaston’s footprints to.
I now light this candle at dusk and put it above my bed in the middle of
the window and turn it off when the sun comes up to greet us in the
morning.
After catching my breath from
crying, my mom and I had a conversation about how the cremation process was
already half over and I didn’t need to stress over it.
I then came to the realization that Jaston
hadn’t been left alone very long.
It was
only 30 minutes versus the couple hours it could have been.
We also realized that Jaston’s cremation was
started around the same time that we arrived home.
Something tells me that the Lord was surely
watching over us tonight and waited for us to arrive home safely before the
process started.
He also knew how hard
it was for me to leave Jaston there and how I despised the idea of him being “alone”
for hours without me so He took care of all that.
Thank you Lord
for understanding my concerns and continuing to care for my family and I. Thank you for your continued guidance and
holding our hands throughout the last 40 hours.
I know the road will be long and winding ahead of us and I ask that you
will continue to hold our hands and help us to lean on Your Word and live out
Your Will. Thank you for Jaston’s life and the life you have given us through him,
Amen.
Finding comfort and understanding through these muddy waters has been a
challenge and will take time.
It will
take time to heal.
I don’t think I will
ever fully heal from losing a child but my only choice now is to manage my pain
and confront my emotions.
I need to be
honest with myself and honest with others.
I need to face reality and rejoice in praise.
Until I can find other means of comfort I
will cling on to Jaston’s blanket that is wrapped around his knitted blanket, his
outfit, his hat, and his teddy bear.
I will
continue to smell the inside of his hat throughout the day.
I will attempt to breathe in every molecule
of scent, hoping that if I inhale deep enough and long enough the scent will
permanently be fixed in my nose.
I
approach his “bundle” every time with a racing heart because I anticipate that
the scent won’t be there the next time I go to smell it.
I don’t know what I will do when the smell
goes away but for now I will keep on smelling it as often as I can and hope
that the day it disappears is far far away.
I also snuggle up with this blanket when I sleep at night.
I am devastated that I cannot have my son
here to hold and this is the closest thing I will get to cradling him in my
arms but it will do.
Devotional on Jaston’s birthday from
Jesus
Calling by
Sarah Young:
TRY TO SEE THINGS more and more from My perspective.
Let the Light of My Presence so fully fill your mind that you view the world
through Me. When little things don’t go as you had hoped (say like starting out the day assuming my doctor’s were not going to be
around), look to Me lightheartedly and say, “Oh, well.” This simple discipline can protect you from
being burdened with an accumulation of petty cares and frustrations. If you practice this diligently, you will
make a life-changing discovery: You realize that most of the things that worry
you are not important. If you shrug them
off immediately and return your focus to Me, you will walk through your days
with lighter steps and a joyful heart. When
serious problems come your way (death of
my son), you will have more reserves for dealing with them. You will not have squandered your energy on
petty problems. You may even reach the
point where you can agree with the apostle Paul that all your troubles are light and momentary, compared with the eternal glory being achieved by
them.
Proverbs 20:24; 2 Corinthians 4:17-18
Devotional on day of cremation from
Jesus
Calling by
Sarah Young:
WAIT QUIETLY IN MY PRESENCE while My thoughts form
silently in the depths of your being. Do
not try to rush this process, because hurry keeps your heart earthbound. I am the Creator of the entire universe, yet
I choose to make My humble home in your heart.
It is there where you know Me most intimately; it is there where I speak
to you in holy whispers. Ask My Spirit
to quiet your mind so that you can hear My
still, small voice within you. I am
speaking to you continually; words of Life…Peace…Love. Tune your heart to receive these messages of
abundant blessing. Lay your requests before Me and wait in expectation. If only I had read this prior to entering
the funeral home or at the start of the day, instead I read it at the end.
1 Kings 19:12 (NKJV); Psalm 5:3
Thank you to all those involved in making Jaston's day special and memorable.
Thank you for sharing all the tears,
laughter, joy, happiness, love and prayer that filled this day:
Jaston - the little man and messenger boy
Zach - dad/husband
My mom (Reva)
my sister (Monica)
Robin (family and friend, photographer)
Natalie (family and friend, photographer)
Aunt Sherri
Cousin Heather
Brother Landen
Sister Tara
Sister Anberlin
Chaplain Bill
Palliative Care team: Dr. Fenton and Pam
Michelle - child life specialist
Nurses Michelle, Abby, April, and Char
Dr. Cole - OB-GYN
Dr. Hermanson - OB-GYN
Dr. Lun - anesthesiologist
Dr. Reuter - neonatologist
Diane & Dick - grandparents
Grandpa Todd
and many more that were lifting us up in prayer throughout the day
